


Without You

by Caramell0w



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Steve Rogers - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 11:51:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17304074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caramell0w/pseuds/Caramell0w
Summary: Steve, Bucky and you are all best friends, but you won’t be left behind when war hits.





	Without You

“Breath with me Stevie,” you said taking a deep breath in and pushing it out. “Concentrate on my breathing.” You took his hand it stuck it on your chest, allowing him to feel the rise and fall of it. “It’s almost passed, keep breathing with me.”

You heard his wheezing calm down and you knew his attack was passing. “Stay there for a minute, don’t get up too fast,” you told him giving him a small smile. 

“Y/N, I don’t know why you fuss with him so much, he’s fine,” Bucky said, poking his head out from his hiding spot.

“He’s not fine Barnes, can’t you hear him wheezing? If I get my hands of those, those, jerks, I’m gonna teach them a lesson.”

“Steve, tell Y/N you’re fine and you’re ready to play again,” Bucky said, coming over and helping him stand.

“I’m fine Y/N, let’s continue playing. Don’t worry about me,” his smile was soft but you could see the slight pain in his blue eyes.

That’s the problem, I worry about both you boys too much; you thought as you began the game of hide and seek again.

* * *

“You’re my favorite gal, you know that right doll?” Bucky asked, grinning a mega-watt smile at you.

“Yeah, if I’m your favorite, how come you and Steve are going to the Expo without me?” You huffed in annoyance.

“I got a hot date with Dot, and I found a girl for Steve.”

“You could come with us if you want,” Steve offered, his features soft and caring.

“So I can be third wheel with you and your date? No thanks. Plus, I don’t even have a ticket. How’d you score them tickets anyway Buck?”

“Just lucky doll, you know me,” he smiled, rocking back and forth on his heels like he had something else to say.

“Hm..” you trailed off. “Steve, have fun tonight alright? Any girl you’re with should be lucky.” You gave him a hug and turned on your heel to leave, wishing you were lucky enough to go with them.

That was the last time you saw Steve or Bucky happy. Steve was accepted into a special program that he couldn’t talk to you about and Bucky was shipped off with the 107th. You were left alone in Brooklyn, wondering what was happening to your boys. You wrote letters to them every week; but it had been months since you heard from either one of them. You were sitting at your desk, writing another letter to Steve when there was a knock on the door.  

“Just a minute,” you called out, finishing your sentence and laying your pen down.

You opened the door and your eyes were glued to a broad chest in uniform. You gazed up to see who the body belonged to and you gasped, your hands flying to your gaping mouth.

“Stevie?” You squealed.

“Hey doll,” he smiled, his blue eyes shimmering in delight.

“What happened to you Steve? You’re so much bigger than you were a few months ago? How is it even possible?” You wrapped your arms around his waist for a big hug and tears started forming in your eyes from pure delight.

“There’s a lot to explain. Can I come in?” He asked as he hugged you back and placed a light kiss in your hair.

“Of course, come in. Can I get you something to eat or drink?”

“No, I’m alright, thanks,” he said sitting down on the chair in the living room.

Steve told you all about the training he went through, the secret experiment that he was part of, and what has been happening since then.  

“You know, I kept seeing Captain America around and he sounded like you, but I had no idea how that was even possible; so I figured it was just because I was missing you so much that I was imagining things. How long are you back for?” You grabbed his hand and held it between your own, not wanting to let go.

“I’m here for the week and then I’m going overseas to help entertain the troops,” he sounded disgusted as he said the word entertain. “This isn’t what I signed up for Y/N. When I agreed to this, I was told I would be able to help put an end to the war, not be a dancing monkey.”

“Steve, you’re doing your part; don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I’m capable of doing so much more than this now. The serum they injected me with took care of all my health problems. I’m in top physical shape and they have me punching a fake Hitler almost every night.” He ran his fingers down his face, and balled them into fits at his side, his anger picking up.

“Hey Steve?” He peeked at you from under his long lashes. “Breathe with me,” you smiled at him and he returned it, taking a deep breath and pushing it out, calming down a little.

* * *

Time and war raged on, Steve- rather Captain America was a household name and all the girls were fawning over him. Anytime you would overhear someone talk about how brave or handsome he was, you would smile; that’s the same Steve you’ve known all along, he was just smaller before. You were so happy knowing one of your best friends was safe; but you couldn’t help but wonder about Bucky.

The country was in desperate need of nurses to help with the wounded and sick all across the world and you were shipped out to Germany to help with the 107th regiment. You had a few connections and you had requested that so you could be close to Bucky; you missed him dearly and you hadn’t heard from him in two months.

You heard a few whistles as you and three other women stepped down from the truck.

“Finally they sent us some eye candy to look at. Hey there doll, what’s your name?” You recognized the voice instantly and smiled, your back still towards the bold soldier.

“I know your mother taught you better manners than that James,” you smirked as you turned around to look at him. The look of pure shock on his face made you double over laughing. He scooped you up into his arms and he buried his head in your shoulder, inhaling you deeply.

“You smell like home. I’ve missed you doll,” he said putting you down on your feet. “How’s Steve, have you heard from him?”

“Not in a while, he’s been traveling to different regiments and doing shows, but he’s not happy. They aren’t letting him get into the action.”

“What are you talking about? Shows?“

“Are you kidding Buck? Do you not know?”

“Know what?” He asked puzzled.

“Steve is Captain America.”

He stood there completely still, lips parted, and eyes wide. “How’s that even possible?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “he was an experiment that went right.”

“I miss him,” Bucky all but whispered.

“Yeah, I do too Bucky. I’ve missed you both so much. I’m so happy knowing you’re alright.” You pulled him in for another hug and squeezed as tight as you could, not wanting to lose the comfortable feeling of him.

"Sargent Barnes, a word please?” You let go of him and turned to see an older man looming over the both of you. Bucky nodded his head once and looked back down to you, “We’ll catch up later.”  

Later didn’t happen. Bucky was sent on a mission with a lot of other men and he hadn’t returned since. It had been a few weeks and you were worried. You hoped Steve would come around so you could catch him up to speed but he wasn’t due to arrive for another week. You tried writing him letters but most were returned to sender.

You were helping in the medical tent when you heard a bunch of shouting and claps. There, leading the charge was Steve and Bucky, your boys came back to you. You ran out and as soon as they saw you they rushed towards you. Steve scooping you up in a tight hug first, "I missed you,” he whispered before placing you down.

You smiled and looked at Bucky, a little battered, but no worse for wear. He gave you a lopsided smile. “Hey doll.” He pulled you into a tight embrace before taking your hand and having you walk with them. You were elated to have your boys back safely. You knew it was only going to be a short while before they were sent off again, this was war after all, but you were happy in the meantime.

They were shipped off sooner than you thought and you were moved (per Steve’s orders) to London to await their arrival. You were working in the war rooms as a secretary which was wonderful because you were kept in the loop as to what was going on and how the boys were doing. They were an unstoppable duo, taking down Hydra camps and helping to put an end to the dreadful war.  

You were sitting on your bed, taking a moment reprieve when there was a soft knock at your door.

“Come in,” you announced, looking up from your book. Steve walked in and your eyes lit up. Smiling, you jumped off the bed and into his arms. “Steve, you boys are back, I’ve been so worried. Where’s Bucky? Why isn’t he with you to see me? Is he being a punk again?”

You looked up at him and he just shook his head slowly. “Y/N.”

“No. No Steve,” your eyes started watering and you started trembling. “Bucky’s fine.” Your breathing was becoming labored. “Tell me Bucky’s fine and he’s just in the medical bay or something.”

Steve’s eyes started watering, “He fell from a train, I tried to reach him, but I couldn’t. He’s gone.”

Your legs gave out and you dropped to the floor, the sound coming from your mouth almost inhuman. You were starting to hyperventilate and Steve sat on the floor behind you and pulled between his legs. You kept muttering “why” and “no”, in between your short shallow breaths.

“Breathe with me,” Steve said. “Deep breath in, and out.” He held you tight when you tried to break free of his hold. “Doll, please don’t push me away we’ve got to stick together you and I.” You slumped in his grasp and cried, finally going numb after a while. “Breath with me, Y/N.”

“Please don’t leave me too Steve,” you whispered softly. If he didn’t have super hearing it may not have caught it.

“I’ll always be with you.” He lifted you up and put you in your bed, softly kissing your forehead before letting himself out, softly closing the door behind him.

“Steve, Colonel Phillips requests your presence,” Agent Carter said walking up to Steve.

“Peggy, make sure she’s okay for me?” he wiped the tears from his eyes as he gave her a tight smile, knowing this was probably going to be the last time he saw you.

“I’ll watch over her Steve, I promise.”  

When news came in about Steve’s plane crashing you sat there numb, not moving as you tried to process the information. You were in a daze, staring at the same spot on the wall for hours. You had lost both of them. Agent Carter knocked on your door, her eyes red and puffy from crying as well.

“You and I have to stick together now. We will get through this, you will help me and I will help you. Steve was a good man, and he cared about you so much. I know Sargent Barnes cared for you a lot as well, I saw it on his face when they returned,” she gave you a small smile. “Breathe with me.”  

She uttered the phase and you locked eyes with her. There is no way she could have known what that phase meant to you, that was something special you shared with Steve. At that moment it was the most reassuring phase that anyone could have uttered and you knew, with time, you would be able to move on without them. 


End file.
